Re: Fw: Do you ever hate your computer?

["chaos" <chaos@cyberway.com.sg>]

Just let you computer run Windows non-stop


----- Original Message -----
From: S.M. Tan <smtan3@student.monash.edu.au>
To: <gameprogrammer@gameprogrammer.com>
Sent: Saturday, March 04, 2000 5:41 PM
Subject: Re: Fw: Do you ever hate your computer?


> Hi,
>
>    "Laughter is the best medicine?"~?
>
> TA
>
> Reg,
> HG
>
>
> > This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
> >
> > --Boundary_(ID_BulUVPtBFyd752QRu2FktQ)
> > Content-type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1
> > Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT
> >
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: Ed Davis (Kalaro)
> > To: Robert Harris ; Missy ; Bob Norris ; Kathi ; Jimmi D Hansen ;
derold@kalaro.dynip.com ; Denise
> > Sent: Friday, March 03, 2000 4:15 PM
> > Subject: Do you ever hate your computer?
> >
> >
> >
> > I want to hurt my computer. I want to buy a software program that, when
> > run, causes my computer to suffer grievously, though not permanently.
> > When my screen freezes or turns blue, I want a special button I can push
> > to make the CPU start squealing like a motherboard.
> > I want a device that stores an electrical charge in my telephone. For
> > every minute I spend on hold waiting for technical support to answer,
> > the charge would increase in intensity. When the guy from tech support
> > finally answers, the electrical bolt of energy would be discharged into
> > him. This should not affect my ability to hear what's going on at the
other
> > end of the line, of course. And a special function would allow the volts
> > to double every time a tape-recorded message urges me to continue
holding.
> > "Your call is important to us," the featureless voice always claims. I
> > want my phone to be outfitted with a translation program which will
> > reconstitute this irritating reminder into the truth: "Actually, we
> > already have your money, so we couldn't care less about you. Our
> > technical support department consists of two college kids, both of whom
> > are busy playing Doom.
> > Eventually, one of them will come on the line, but it will be the one
who
> > doesn't speak English." I want my modem to sense when my PC has
> > committed an "illegal function"  and issue a warrant to arrest Bill
> > Gates. When my system crashes and I lose a file that has taken me more
> > than an hour to create, I want someone from the computer company to come
> > out and retype it for me.
> > I don't understand why new, "upgraded" software creates files that
> > cannot be read by old, reliable software with the same name. Is there no
> > one in the computer industry who has noticed that word processor files
> > all look alike once they are open? Why can't 6.0 recognize a 7.0 file?
> > It's all just words, isn't it? There should be a rule that when software
> > engineers buy a new car, their old cars should cease to function. If
> > they don't understand why this is happening, they should call me and I
> > will explain it to them.
> > How come when my computer catches a virus, I'm the one who misses work?
> > I want to know why my printer always jams on the last piece of paper or
> > the last sheet of checks. When this happens, it makes me want to put
> > sandpaper into the manual feed and print the Emancipation Proclamation.
> > I am really tired of hearing about all the horrible things that will
> > happen with the Y2K problem: sewers will regurgitate, all of my fillings
> > will return to the dentist, my high school reunion will be held in
> > Spanish, etc.
> > Why doesn't anybody ever ask these computer programmers how in the world
> > they didn't know the year 2000 would follow the year 1999? Software
> > engineers are supposed to be pretty bright people - what did they need a
> > memo or something? I recently bought a program that is supposed to tell
> > me if my computer files are Y2K-compliant. The program won't work
> > because -get this - my CD-ROM player is too old (I bought it 34 months
> > ago). The manufacturer doesn't sell an "updated driver." Thus, to find
out if
> > my computer is Y2K-compliant, I need to buy another computer.
> > I want to know what good is a Web search engine that returns 324,909,188
> > "matches" to my keyword. That's like saying, "Good news, we've located
> > the product you're looking for. It's on Earth."
> > I want to know why, when I had a tiny hard drive, my operating system
> > was virtually crash-proof and took up so little space. My new operating
> > system is five times the size of my original hard drive. With every
> > "upgrade," it seems to grow 75 percent. That's as if every time your
> > mother-in-law came to visit she weighed another 500 pounds.
> > Now I've found out that my PC no longer "recognizes" my floppy drive.
> > How could they not recognize each other? They live together!
> > Please understand: I don't hate my computer. I just want to hurt it
> > every once in a while.
> >
> > --Boundary_(ID_BulUVPtBFyd752QRu2FktQ)
> > Content-type: text/html; charset=iso-8859-1
> > Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT
> >
> > <!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN">
> > <HTML><HEAD>
> > <META content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" http-equiv=Content-Type>
> > <META content="MSHTML 5.00.2919.6307" name=GENERATOR>
> > <STYLE></STYLE>
> > </HEAD>
> > <BODY bgColor=#ffffff>
> > <DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
> > <DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message -----
> > <DIV style="BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; font-color: black"><B>From:</B> <A
> > href="mailto:kalaro@kalaro.dynip.com" title=kalaro@kalaro.dynip.com>Ed
Davis
> > (Kalaro)</A> </DIV>
> > <DIV><B>To:</B> <A href="mailto:exes@kalaro.dynip.com"
> > title=exes@kalaro.dynip.com>Robert Harris</A> ; <A
> > href="mailto:hmissy@hotmail.com" title=hmissy@hotmail.com>Missy</A> ; <A
> > href="mailto:rebel248@suscom.net" title=rebel248@suscom.net>Bob
Norris</A> ; <A
> > href="mailto:calikokat@yahoo.com" title=calikokat@yahoo.com>Kathi</A> ;
<A
> > href="mailto:clouds@worldonline.dk" title=clouds@worldonline.dk>Jimmi D
> > Hansen</A> ; <A href="mailto:derold@kalaro.dynip.com"
> > title=derold@kalaro.dynip.com>derold@kalaro.dynip.com</A> ; <A
> > href="mailto:sweetum@editgroup.aunz.com"
> > title=sweetum@editgroup.aunz.com>Denise</A> </DIV>
> > <DIV><B>Sent:</B> Friday, March 03, 2000 4:15 PM</DIV>
> > <DIV><B>Subject:</B> Do you ever hate your computer?</DIV></DIV>
> > <DIV><BR></DIV>
> > <DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
> > <DIV><FONT color=#000080 size=2>I want to hurt my computer. I want to
buy a
> > software program that, when<BR>run, causes my computer to suffer
grievously,
> > though not permanently.<BR>When my screen freezes or turns blue, I want
a
> > special button I can push<BR>to make the CPU start squealing like a
> > motherboard.<BR>I want a device that stores an electrical charge in my
> > telephone. For<BR>every minute I spend on hold waiting for technical
support to
> > answer,<BR>the charge would increase in intensity. When the guy from
tech
> > support<BR>finally answers, the electrical bolt of energy would be
discharged
> > into<BR>him. This should not affect my ability to hear what's going on
at the
> > other<BR>end of the line, of course. And a special function would allow
the
> > volts<BR>to double every time a tape-recorded message urges me to
continue
> > holding.<BR>"Your call is important to us," the featureless voice always
claims.
> > I<BR>want my phone to be outfitted with a translation program which
> > will<BR>reconstitute this irritating reminder into the truth: "Actually,
> > we<BR>already have your money, so we couldn't care less about you.
> > Our<BR>technical support department consists of two college kids, both
of
> > whom<BR>are busy playing Doom.<BR>Eventually, one of them will come on
the line,
> > but it will be the one who</FONT></DIV>
> > <DIV><FONT color=#000080 size=2>doesn't speak English." I want my modem
to sense
> > when my PC has<BR>committed an "illegal function"&nbsp; and issue a
warrant to
> > arrest Bill<BR>Gates. When my system crashes and I lose a file that has
taken me
> > more<BR>than an hour to create, I want someone from the computer company
to
> > come<BR>out and retype it for me.<BR>I don't understand why new,
"upgraded"
> > software creates files that<BR>cannot be read by old, reliable software
with the
> > same name. Is there no<BR>one in the computer industry who has noticed
that word
> > processor files<BR>all look alike once they are open? Why can't 6.0
recognize a
> > 7.0 file?<BR>It's all just words, isn't it? There should be a rule that
when
> > software<BR>engineers buy a new car, their old cars should cease to
function.
> > If<BR>they don't understand why this is happening, they should call me
and
> > I<BR>will explain it to them.<BR>How come when my computer catches a
virus, I'm
> > the one who misses work?<BR>I want to know why my printer always jams on
the
> > last piece of paper or<BR>the last sheet of checks. When this happens,
it makes
> > me want to put<BR>sandpaper into the manual feed and print the
Emancipation
> > Proclamation.<BR>I am really tired of hearing about all the horrible
things that
> > will <BR>happen with the Y2K problem: sewers will regurgitate, all of my
> > fillings<BR>will return to the dentist, my high school reunion will be
held
> > in<BR>Spanish, etc.<BR>Why doesn't anybody ever ask these computer
programmers
> > how in the world<BR>they didn't know the year 2000 would follow the year
1999?
> > Software<BR>engineers are supposed to be pretty bright people - what did
they
> > need a<BR>memo or something? I recently bought a program that is
supposed to
> > tell<BR>me if my computer files are Y2K-compliant. The program won't
> > work<BR>because -get this - my CD-ROM player is too old (I bought it 34
> > months<BR>ago). The manufacturer doesn't sell an "updated driver." Thus,
to find
> > out if<BR>my computer is Y2K-compliant, I need to buy another
computer.<BR>I
> > want to know what good is a Web search engine that returns
> > 324,909,188<BR>"matches" to my keyword. That's like saying, "Good news,
we've
> > located<BR>the product you're looking for. It's on Earth."<BR>I want to
know
> > why, when I had a tiny hard drive, my operating system<BR>was virtually
> > crash-proof and took up so little space. My new operating<BR>system is
five
> > times the size of my original hard drive. With every<BR>"upgrade," it
seems to
> > grow 75 percent. That's as if every time your<BR>mother-in-law came to
visit she
> > weighed another 500 pounds.<BR>Now I've found out that my PC no longer
> > "recognizes" my floppy drive.<BR>How could they not recognize each
other? They
> > live together!<BR>Please understand: I don't hate my computer. I just
want to
> > hurt it<BR>every once in a while.</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>
> >
> > --Boundary_(ID_BulUVPtBFyd752QRu2FktQ)--
>
>
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of any topic related to the art, science, and business of
programming games. This list is especially tolerant of beginners.
We were all beginners once

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